Welcome to my blog. The main purpose for starting this blog is to talk about my son, Collin James, who was stillborn on July 1st, 2010. I know it can be an uncomfortable subject for some people, so those people who know me and want to know what happened, or whats going on with me, they can come here. Everyday is a different battle for me it seems, and writing helps. thank you for reading, and don't be afraid to comment if you are here!


Saturday, July 24, 2010


One thing no one really thinks about after going through a tragedy like this... all the mail and email you will get after your due date. The first time it hit me... coming home one afternoon, I stopped to let some of my parents friends in the front gate (we live in a condo). They were coming over to hang out for the evening. While waiting for them to come up the street, I decided to check the mail. There was a box on top of the mailboxes... and I immediately recognized the brand logo. Enfamil. Baby formula. Great. Inside the mail itself were coupons from both Sears, and Picture People, for infant portraits. I'm not sure what website sold my address, but somehow these companies knew I was supposed to have an infant at home now. I came upstairs, was polite and talked to our company for awhile, then excused myself to my bedroom to cry.

Since that day, I've noticed my mom is scanning the mail for me. They always separate the mail, my stuff goes in a separate stack on the dining room table. Yesterday I took my stack, and noticed again another baby product logo, in my parents stack of mail. I peeked and there were about 3 things addressed to me that my mom held onto.

Emails have been pouring in also. During my pregnancy I had signed up for a couple different websites, getting weekly updates about what your baby is doing that week, how big they are, etc. Well now I'm getting the emails about what your baby should be doing new each week, things like that. I get email on my phone, which can really kill your day if an email happens to pop into your inbox, and you glance at it on your phone, and the subject line reads "Your baby at 3 weeks!" Not good.

If you know anyone who is going through a loss like this, my suggestion would be to have someone scan all of your mail for you. If you get emails, have someone unsubscribe to them for you. I did this myself, I picked a night I was feeling particularly strong, and went through and unsubscribed to every email I had left in my inbox. I went onto the Enfamil website and asked to be taken off of their mailing list. I would love to just be able to forward these things to someone that could use them, but it's just too painful to see, I can't do it. I still get some emails, but I'm being as strong as possible when I get them. It's hard. But I'm doing it...


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