Welcome to my blog. The main purpose for starting this blog is to talk about my son, Collin James, who was stillborn on July 1st, 2010. I know it can be an uncomfortable subject for some people, so those people who know me and want to know what happened, or whats going on with me, they can come here. Everyday is a different battle for me it seems, and writing helps. thank you for reading, and don't be afraid to comment if you are here!


Monday, December 31, 2012

2012 comes to a close...

Hello to anyone that might still be reading this. I realize it's been entirely too long since I have posted anything on this blog. One of my New Years resolutions is to try to keep up with this blog more often and bring more information to this page to help others. Our blankets are still being handed out at the hospital, something that makes my heart sing. I would like to take more blankets to the hospital soon.

If you are a new reader who has stumbled upon this blog because of a blanket you recieved, please feel free to let me know. I hate that you might be reading this because of receiving a blanket, but if you have, please know you aren't alone. Feel free to reach out, I would love to help.

Hopefully 2013 brings you peace and hope in the new year.

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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

It's been awhile...

Wow. It's been a very long time since I've published anything! FINALLY got computer issues handled... so hopefully there will be more posts soon.

2 things recently made me realize it was past time for an update. One: I went to a support group meeting, one I hadn't been to in quite awhile. And two: A dear friend of mine asked if I had posted in awhile, and thought it might be good for me. She's right. So here we are.

So much has happened in the past months since my last post. I'm going to have to have more than one post to talk about everything!

Most importantly... I survived the most difficult milestones in my journey since I lost my precious baby boy. Mothers Day. Fathers Day. His first Birthday. His due date. All very difficult days. Thankfully, with the support and love of my friends and family, and from the strength I gather myself by knowing I have an angel by my side... I made it. I'm still here. I'm not a basketcase. I survived!!

Mothers Day was pretty difficult. The week before mothers day is "International Baby Loss Mothers Day". I really don't know what to think about this new holiday, and I'm not sure that I like it. I may have lost my baby physically, but I know exactly where he is. He's with me every day in spirit. And I like to be recongnized as a mother like every other mother, I don't think we need a special day for it, but that's just my opinion. I recieved a couple of beautiful cards from loved ones. The one that touched me the most was one from my sister. It's hanging in my room... What she wrote inside was absolutely beautiful and inspriring. Since we wanted to celebrate the day, my sister and I took our mom to Disneyland for the day. It's our favorite place. Moms got a flower to carry around. I clipped mine on my backpack strap. It was SO nice to have everyone tell you happy Mothers day! I AM a mother. I always will be. I definitely recommend doing some type of activity that acknowledges you as a Mom. I felt wonderful after I got over my initial sadness in the morning. It turned out to be a lovely day with people who love my little guy as much as I do.

For Collins birthday we decided to have a get together. Being in southern California... a bonfire seemed fitting. I spent a lot of time at the beach while pregnant, and a LOT of time there after my loss. It's a calming place for me. So a bonfire it was. It was a holiday weekend, with his birthday being July 1st, and on a Friday. I decided to go to the beach all day, to relax, and also to guarantee we had a fire pit! I knew I wanted to take the day off of work anyways. The bonfire was awesome. I had some close friends with me during the day, which was nice. My sister brought some flowers from her boss for us to toss in the water for Collin. She also brought a beauitful lei of red carnations, with a blue star on it. Red is my color for Collin, and stars are his "thing". I said some words, thanked everyone for being there for myself and my family in the past year. It was a difficult speech to get thru, but I think I did pretty good. We had a good turn out. After I spoke, I got hugs from everyone, then we tossed our flowers into the ocean at sunset. After the "ceremony" we all just hung out and ate, and had a good time. It was just what I needed. During difficult times, being with those who love me really helps. I'll post pictures when I have more time.

Well that's all I have time for now. If you are reading this, Thank you. Even if one person reads my blog and is touched by my story, that's all I could ever ask for. <3


Sunday, January 16, 2011

I haven't been able to post at all lately due to computer issues, but I wanted to repost this from facebook. It brought me to tears in the middle of a shopping trip with my sister. I have a bad habit of checking facebook from my phone... something I need to stop doing because I never know when something I read online will make me upset or bring back memories.
Your little boy cries too much. my little boy makes no sound. your little boy sleeps warm in his crib, my little boy lies cold in his urn. your little boy woke up today, my little boy never will. your little boy laughs and plays, my little boy lays still. your little boy makes you proud,just as proud as mine, cuz while your little boy learns to walk, my little boy can fly ♥

I hope to be able to post more soon. If you're reading this... thank you as always for reading! :)

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Pics from 10/15/10

These are some of the pics from the candle lighting on October 15th. Such a great view from this park... and its 2 minutes from my house :)

Friday, October 15, 2010

October 15th

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Tonight at 7 all parents of angels are asked to light a candle in rememberance of their little one. I will be going to Hilltop Park in Signal Hill with some fellow Mommy's to do this tonight.

I'm glad I have such a busy day today, but thankful I am able to be there tonight as well. I will also be lighting a candle for 2 of my friends children as well.

I miss you everyday my precious baby boy!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Angel Blankets from Collin

My first blanket was given to Sharon, the chaplain at LB Memorial, last night. I hope it helps bring a family some comfort in their time of need. I can't wait to make more blankets and help teach others how to sew the blankets as well. I've been praying for the family who recieves the blanket. Even though I will probably never know who they are, they will be a part of me now. Maybe someday they too will find comfort in helping others in need.

The tags we made to go on the blankets.

Ready to go!

Collin's bear with the first blanket to be handed out :)

<3 <3 <3